Thank you for having giving me the opportunity of meeting you last Friday. I would like to share with you here what happened afterwards. Although the same state was there, something you said inadvertently let me question the authenticity of that state.
You said something about not being the physical body. And although I very clearly felt my dissociation with the body/mind, this question arose: Is this state, which I was until then thinking that it is completely divorced from thought, some how implicitly build upon some "advatic" concepts? The question didn't concern advaita as such, but rather CONCEPTS. Previous to this moment, I understood that I am pure awareness, that before the 'feeling' I AM, I was awareness at rest as in deep sleep, and that after death awareness would go to rest again.
But look, all these are concepts (whether right or wrong)! I saw this state as being, in a certain way, cristalized over this mesh of interrelated, inherent, implicit, may be unconscious, concepts. Now, although I was still feeling that same state, it lost something of its warmth. Going back is not possible, but also living with concepts. I began to question the assumption that living this state has nothing TRANS-individual, as it is usually assumed from the Enlightenment literature. This state may be the last frontier of the "individual" mind but that's all! Why are these people going around saying that living this is being in connection with the absolute, not even that but being the absolute manifested! How dare they? How dare they ADD some METAphysical dimension to what is merely physical. 24 hours passed with questioning turning in my head. Several attempts were done by the mind to recover control and try to resolve this dilemma. But now this was not possible. In this morning, Saturday, I was thinking about calling you in SOS, with some transient thoughts about deceiving you or not being up to what you are offering. Then, for some reason, I didn't call, and went to my usual meditation. I knew that I can only entrust the resolution of the matter to that pure awerness itself.
I remained very centered in the NOW, refusing to accept the help of any concept and relying solely upon what can be seen directly by this awareness. Then, this idea appeared: All There Is Is Consciousness.
( sounds familiar).It was the only certainty. And then another idea: Every Thing Outside The NOW Is Not Real. Now, the question arose: what is death? The answer: all there is is conscious of NOW. Death has no place in NOW. I can speak of NOW but not of death. Similarly, I cannot speak of deep sleep, because there, there is no NOW. All there is is: I AM IN THE NOW. Any other thing is just reasoning, thinking, assumption, which could be right or wrong. Another question arose: How was your face before your parents were born? You can never enter the stream of time. You transcend time. You are indeed TRANS-individual; the individual being a mere thought in that awareness. Indeed, this is METAPHYSICS but of the NOW. (Metaphysics of Intemporality, sounds complicated enough!!)
And DEATH? No death is possible in the NOW, but speaking on the mundane level, what happens after death I don't know. A possible ""explanation"" would be to go back to consciousness at rest, ""similar"" to what hapenes during deep sleep. But this is only speculation. And since all there is is consciousness I am not concerned. Outside the NOW, every thing is logic deduction. Now, if this is true, why this is not being emphasised in the spiritual writings? If it's not, could you please guide me? What could I have done if you were not here? With infinite love and gratitude
I enjoyed your email, it's accuracy and honest admissions.
I had a good meeting with Marianne - I hope you hear about it.
I don't understand some of the words that you use like e.g. TRANS-individual but it does seem that you are making distinctions that would be useful in clearing up misconceptions.
However if we neither use nor abide with any concepts then there is nothing to clear up, right? Only this way can you keep your garden clear of potential weeds.
It does seem that around many teachers concepts are allowed to proliferate - this might be acceptable if it were to set up the ultimate downfall of the mind's fictions but if is not the case then they are just adding confusion.
I therefore also conclude that having an awakening outside the mind is not easy for any seeker, and that a very particular teacher is required. Such a teacher is rare, and yet some people now have the good fortune to effortlessly have direct experiences of what-is-now.
Does this answer your questions?