Finding freedom and stopping seeking seem to happen at the same time though the seeking may get less before that moment.

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Finding freedom

One often cannot understand what a teacher says

[Questioner] Boy, these days are filled with great and demanding experiences! For me, at least. You know these times when you get the impression that your life resembles a script, and things happen just at the right moment?Last summer I had the opportunity of attending five days of satsang with an enlightened woman from Israel by the name of Anamika. There, for the first time I had a glimpse of what i had read in the books of Ramana, Papaji and Nisargadatta before. As Anamika suffers from some mysterious disease and undergoes periods of strong exhaustion and weakness, she currently can't give satsang, and she's in Israel, anyway. So I attended other satsang teachers yearning to "get" IT "back", until i stumbled over your messages. Something in them touched me deeply and hit home, and so I'm eager to see you some day. There's relief, laughter and joy reading your messages, and something more, something most precious.

Now to the demanding experiences: In some of your messages you mention John de Ruiter, and comment on his teachings. One of my friends is a huge adorer of John and invited me to see him. So I did, some days ago, when he was giving meetings in Munich. Something about him touched me, and some of his sayings hit a weak spot. He said something in the line of "as long as you "want" enlightenment, and want IT to benefit "you", you're feeding the ego. You want to control live and the truth.

Next, he said that if enlightenment doesn't go along with a total opening of the heart (being "the weakest of weakness", i.e. warmly accepting everything as is), one just is in an spiritual illusion, and not in Truth.(or, in my words, "Love isn't everything, but everything is like nothingwithout love. Sounds so true to me)

This made me wonder about my motives to "get" IT, and fed nagging doubts about the wholeness and truth of the enlightened state spoken about by other teachers. In other words, if I'd assume the role of an advocatus diaboli, I could say that the enlightenment a`la Advaita & Co. is a shortcut missing the point ( being true intimacy with everything and unconditional love exploding into real live) like "I AM not what I am aware of, so to hell with all of it!"

On the other hand I really have been touched to the core by some of the teachers mentioned above, and by your messages, and so I assume that my problem arises from wrong understanding and succumbing to my old companion "doubt" again and again (addiction?)

Anyway, your comment on some posting that you're not into tedious discussions and invite people to meet you comes as some relief. Not being an avid traveler normally, I even found myself wondering that I would like to meet you, as soon as time and money allow for it.( And, resisting mind adds, after the proper preparation, so as to be "totally open and clear, and getting the most benefit of such an expensive journey", summing up the struggle as explained above)

Oshana, I understand that I'm not the only one to write to you, so feel free (I bet you do anyway) to answer whenever you want.

One often cannot understand what a teacher says. He may never make sense ever or only at a particular time. What a teacher says may be true at some level and not on another. One may think that the teacher is asking of action when no action is possible. He is only making a statement.

Part of you is seeking enlightenment and another part is imitating that seeking.You cannot stop seeking.Finding freedom and stopping seeking seem to happen at the same time though the seeking may get less before that moment.

What you are doing is fine. I invite you to a real 'meeting' when you are ready and then a special Nothing is revealed.If you want to stop - then let's meet. Someone did get It - so it seems - very recently.

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